If that's the case, then you're right to question it. Maybe it's something worth asking, the next time Hideki puts together some kind of event again.
[Interesting, though, what Abel says. It speaks for his character that he turned out one way, while Hideki ended up being the opposite.]
You're right, and it's wise of you to think that way. But mankind can be self-centered at times, caring first of how they're treated, and how to treat the rest of the world only second. You're an exception to the rule. Take it as a compliment.
[Of course Abel knows why Cain and Prompto endure this nonsense, but he's not certain he should be the one to go blabbing about it to V. As irate as he is, as good as it would feel to have some ally in his feelings of disdain, and even though Prompto was the one to spill it to Abel before Cain could explain, it's probably not his place to spread the mission objective around.]
Maybe. I guess it's hard to say no to a big fancy party with real meat when someone's gone to the trouble. Even if he's just showing off.
[And then the focus shifts to Abel, and it's definitely nerve-wracking. Not because he's ashamed of where he came from or it's particularly difficult to talk about, but nobody ever asks... It's both strange and a strange relief.]
Difficult. My dad is a career politician on Earth, he's very influential, his party looks to him a lot to lead the charge on issues. Conservative issues, things I never agreed with. I think he figured out when I was a preteen that I wasn't going to fall in line, so he and his advisers controlled every outward aspect of our home life. So we would appear to be the perfect, wholesome family. Not a spot on us.
I wanted to push back, I really did. But I didn't have any room to maneuver, I lived at home into my twenties, constantly in school so my financial options were limited, and my only method of transportation could only take me so far. Maybe I could have tried harder, maybe I thought if I met him on his own level, he would respect me. But he never let anyone get through, even my mom was flat out ignored most of the time.
Some days I felt like I was in a plane that was on fire and divebombing towards the ground, and I could see that big shiny eject button, I knew I could reach it, and it would be so easy to press it and just leave everything behind. Save myself the pain. But the trouble with that was I'd have a clear view of the wreck. I'd have to watch it and know that it happened because I'd given up.
I chose to hit the ground. I joined the Alliance despite how loud he shouted, I was placed on the front lines of the war, I never told anyone who I was or where I'd come from and nobody asked. It was like I was a new person. A stronger, more independent person. I wouldn't be the person I am now if I'd given up and become my father's model son.
I don't know that Hideki has ever even taken off, let alone struggled with the choice to bail out. But as someone who made peace with hitting the bottom and crawled out on my own, I despise the fact that he's comfortable with how he lives now. I see what could have happened to me, and I hate it.
[And not for all of the reasons he expects-- part of him, a part he doesn't want to acknowledge, envies how easy this mirror image has it. No fights over the dinner table, money whenever he holds his hand out, no obvious crisis of sexuality, no constant introspection or panic over saving everyone he looked at. How easy it would be if he just didn't care.]
[The other part loudly shames him for even thinking it.]
[It’s more honest than he expected, which means that his first impressions of Abel had been correct ones — sincere, earnest. Trusting, to a degree that V is not. He would not be able to share the details of his childhood with such openness; a closed part of himself that’s difficult to pry open.
Even so, it doesn’t make him less appreciative of this reply.]
All a matter of how well one gets along with a parent’s notion of upbringing. You had different ideas than that of your father. Hideki, it would seem, is fine with his own stagnancy, his own brand of affluent ignorance.
And his parents make no effort to quell that.
[Maybe they perpetuate it. Worse, maybe they just don’t care.]
You underwent your own journey, pushed forward where most are content to remain the same. I would know. So it makes sense for you to look at someone representing the worst of what could have been, and feel irritation.
[Abel is quick to trust, that much is certainly true about him. In spite of everything that happened on the Sleipnir, where it felt like everyone around him took advantage of that trait, he can't shake it. He doesn't see the point in hiding things about himself, or saying what he means now that someone is actually asking what he felt. It's cathartic to get it out, he hasn't even told Cain this yet.]
I don't think anyone does, though it does make it very difficult to maintain it when both Cain and Prompto talk about how he's 'not a bad guy'. Not bad doesn't mean decent.
Before this conversation turns into nothing but my life story... It sounds like you had a similar experience?
[Ah, and case in point: when the subject is turned around to V, he is less giving with information. But his reply is true all the same, even if it is purposefully wrapped in generalization.]
Not exactly like yours.
[His experience with his parents was... quite different. V holds memories of a happy childhood, and a happy childhood home, until that was all wrested away.]
But I was once a bad person. A misguided person, looking only to fulfill my own needs and uncaring of the consequences it placed on others. Now, I'm trying to be different than that. Better than that.
[No matter-- Abel never operated on a quid pro quo basis. Just because he dumped paragraphs' worth of personal musings into V's eyes doesn't mean he should expect the same. He'd listen, of course, but he wouldn't demand it.]
People are complicated. I don't know that calling someone 'good' or 'bad' means anything, we all just make choices. It's admirable that you've decided to try to make different ones.
[Abel is intimately familiar with the idea of someone making choices solely to preserve themselves-- he can understand it and even sympathize. But in his opinion, that focus on the self would only carry someone so far. Becoming part of a bigger picture feels far more satisfying than looking out for himself alone could be.]
If you're willing to take pity on a lonely man outside of a raucous party he clearly hates, I think you're already making the sorts of choices you're looking for. It certainly made my night much better.
[It's good to read. Even from a man who doesn't know the full truth of his circumstances, that he can do some good, however small, is a welcome thought. He just hopes this new perspective in his life will carry over, should he ever return to his original self.]
Then I'm glad to hear it. Truly. It is as they say: The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.
[Well. It's what William Blake said, anyway.
But lingering on the subject is still awkward, and so for now, V will usher the conversation along.]
Next time, let's find a social event that is both less noisy and more entertaining to attend. Unless we want our poor souls to wither and die on the spot a second time.
Reptiles of the mind... I don't think I've heard that one before, but it sounds pretty apt.
You won't hear an objection from me. If I never have to attend a party with that group of people again, it would be too soon. Honestly I enjoyed the dancing, but it was the fan club that I just couldn't stand.
The closest I ever came to 'reptiles of the mind' was when my iguana escaped during the night and landed on my face.
I admit, my focus was always science and physics. Right-brain things were never really on my radar-- I wish they had been though. Sometimes I think I could understand some things much better if I wasn't wired to think so scientifically about everything.
It's very cool you can quote things like that from memory.
I liked Newton, he was very calm. He liked to sit in my elbow while I read sometimes. I never really had another pet, my parents wouldn't allow it.
We're kind of alike in that respect, algebra and geometry were my friends when I was younger. I'd love some recommendations! Maybe something a little easier to understand...?
Newton is a fine name for an iguana. A smart moniker for a smart reptile, clever enough to escape his cage.
See what you think about the poet Robert Frost. His work should be easy enough to find in the public domain. He uses naturalistic descriptions that are often easy to follow.
That's interesting, then. You know, nobody's really asked me what my life was before my military service until you did. It's easy enough to talk about but, just saying I was lonely... it just feels like a fact.
But when I read this, I can actually feel it again. And it's not a bad thing, it's like a reminder that I didn't make it up. I never knew poetry could do something like this.
Then you understand why I take such an interest in it.
That is the purpose behind art. Not just words on a screen, or paint on a canvas. It is a reflection of the creator and a separate entity from the creator both. It inspires feeling.
And it inspires reflection. Something direly needed in most people, but rarely ever done.
Somewhere I guess I knew that, but I'd never had time to really think about it. Too much to study and memorize, too much to theorize on. Maybe I was a little scared too.
But now I have plenty of time to do it, right?
I agree though. Plenty of people don't reflect enough, I think. Maybe you could encourage people here to reflect a little more?
Scared? Words on a page are nothing to be scared about, only the ideas that they might worm into your head with enough passage of time. Besides, your memorizations were probably far more daunting than a line or two of poetry.
Me trying to tell others here to reflect more is the same as shouting into the void. Have you seen some of the arguments across the network?
Oh no, compared to facing ideas that might 'worm into my head with enough passage of time', I'd rather do Calculus out loud. Or I guess I used to prefer that. It doesn't seem as bad now.
Yes, I've seen them, and I can't say you're entirely wrong... but I want to think we're all here to do something. That this isn't as random as some people might think. If you had time to do something profound, anything-- what would it be?
Yes. Something that you feel only you could do for a place like this, or something you could learn.
We all seem to be different in one way or another, and I'm hypothesizing that how we were selected isn't random. So maybe the answer lies in what we believe we can offer.
[There's a lengthy pause, as if he doesn't intend to send more than that. But another message flashes into existence.]
If you're hypothesizing how we might be "special", then I can answer that more easily. There's no point in keeping it from the rest of the Displaced, when the meaning of "normal" is so superfluous between us.
I used to possess demonic power. I no longer do, but the knowledge and memories still exist.
I understand, I feel the same. I'm still trying to figure it out myself to be honest.
[He sends that in the lengthy pause, and is a little surprised when the rest comes. Maybe it should give him some pause, 'demonic' isn't a very nice word after all, but V is possibly a little late to the occult-related revelations train given Billy told Abel he was a witch within five minutes of meeting him. Sure okay.]
That would definitely make you special! Strange though, that they took it away and gave you-- I'm assuming-- something else? Do you know what ability they gave you on your arrival here?
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[Interesting, though, what Abel says. It speaks for his character that he turned out one way, while Hideki ended up being the opposite.]
You're right, and it's wise of you to think that way. But mankind can be self-centered at times, caring first of how they're treated, and how to treat the rest of the world only second. You're an exception to the rule. Take it as a compliment.
What was it like for you, growing up?
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Maybe. I guess it's hard to say no to a big fancy party with real meat when someone's gone to the trouble. Even if he's just showing off.
[And then the focus shifts to Abel, and it's definitely nerve-wracking. Not because he's ashamed of where he came from or it's particularly difficult to talk about, but nobody ever asks... It's both strange and a strange relief.]
Difficult. My dad is a career politician on Earth, he's very influential, his party looks to him a lot to lead the charge on issues. Conservative issues, things I never agreed with. I think he figured out when I was a preteen that I wasn't going to fall in line, so he and his advisers controlled every outward aspect of our home life. So we would appear to be the perfect, wholesome family. Not a spot on us.
I wanted to push back, I really did. But I didn't have any room to maneuver, I lived at home into my twenties, constantly in school so my financial options were limited, and my only method of transportation could only take me so far. Maybe I could have tried harder, maybe I thought if I met him on his own level, he would respect me. But he never let anyone get through, even my mom was flat out ignored most of the time.
Some days I felt like I was in a plane that was on fire and divebombing towards the ground, and I could see that big shiny eject button, I knew I could reach it, and it would be so easy to press it and just leave everything behind. Save myself the pain.
But the trouble with that was I'd have a clear view of the wreck. I'd have to watch it and know that it happened because I'd given up.
I chose to hit the ground. I joined the Alliance despite how loud he shouted, I was placed on the front lines of the war, I never told anyone who I was or where I'd come from and nobody asked. It was like I was a new person. A stronger, more independent person. I wouldn't be the person I am now if I'd given up and become my father's model son.
I don't know that Hideki has ever even taken off, let alone struggled with the choice to bail out. But as someone who made peace with hitting the bottom and crawled out on my own, I despise the fact that he's comfortable with how he lives now. I see what could have happened to me, and I hate it.
[And not for all of the reasons he expects-- part of him, a part he doesn't want to acknowledge, envies how easy this mirror image has it. No fights over the dinner table, money whenever he holds his hand out, no obvious crisis of sexuality, no constant introspection or panic over saving everyone he looked at. How easy it would be if he just didn't care.]
[The other part loudly shames him for even thinking it.]
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Even so, it doesn’t make him less appreciative of this reply.]
All a matter of how well one gets along with a parent’s notion of upbringing. You had different ideas than that of your father. Hideki, it would seem, is fine with his own stagnancy, his own brand of affluent ignorance.
And his parents make no effort to quell that.
[Maybe they perpetuate it. Worse, maybe they just don’t care.]
You underwent your own journey, pushed forward where most are content to remain the same. I would know. So it makes sense for you to look at someone representing the worst of what could have been, and feel irritation.
No one reasonable would blame you for it.
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I don't think anyone does, though it does make it very difficult to maintain it when both Cain and Prompto talk about how he's 'not a bad guy'. Not bad doesn't mean decent.
Before this conversation turns into nothing but my life story... It sounds like you had a similar experience?
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Not exactly like yours.
[His experience with his parents was... quite different. V holds memories of a happy childhood, and a happy childhood home, until that was all wrested away.]
But I was once a bad person. A misguided person, looking only to fulfill my own needs and uncaring of the consequences it placed on others. Now, I'm trying to be different than that. Better than that.
no subject
People are complicated. I don't know that calling someone 'good' or 'bad' means anything, we all just make choices. It's admirable that you've decided to try to make different ones.
[Abel is intimately familiar with the idea of someone making choices solely to preserve themselves-- he can understand it and even sympathize. But in his opinion, that focus on the self would only carry someone so far. Becoming part of a bigger picture feels far more satisfying than looking out for himself alone could be.]
If you're willing to take pity on a lonely man outside of a raucous party he clearly hates, I think you're already making the sorts of choices you're looking for. It certainly made my night much better.
no subject
Then I'm glad to hear it. Truly. It is as they say: The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.
[Well. It's what William Blake said, anyway.
But lingering on the subject is still awkward, and so for now, V will usher the conversation along.]
Next time, let's find a social event that is both less noisy and more entertaining to attend. Unless we want our poor souls to wither and die on the spot a second time.
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You won't hear an objection from me. If I never have to attend a party with that group of people again, it would be too soon. Honestly I enjoyed the dancing, but it was the fan club that I just couldn't stand.
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I admit, my focus was always science and physics. Right-brain things were never really on my radar-- I wish they had been though. Sometimes I think I could understand some things much better if I wasn't wired to think so scientifically about everything.
It's very cool you can quote things like that from memory.
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So you like pets, then?
I was an avid reader when I was younger. Books kept me company; poetry especially. If you ever want recommendations, you need only ask.
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I liked Newton, he was very calm. He liked to sit in my elbow while I read sometimes. I never really had another pet, my parents wouldn't allow it.
We're kind of alike in that respect, algebra and geometry were my friends when I was younger. I'd love some recommendations! Maybe something a little easier to understand...?
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See what you think about the poet Robert Frost. His work should be easy enough to find in the public domain. He uses naturalistic descriptions that are often easy to follow.
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He'd just never leave me alone if I was eating an apple... But that's a good point!
He seems interesting-- some of it I'm following but some of it... I guess it just takes time! But I do like this one.
I'm just not quite sure why...
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[His eyebrows raise a little on his end, though V is certainly not disapproving.]
You surprise me. It's a very lonely poem. Acquainted with the "night"; the foibles and sorrow in one's own mind.
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[Well isn't that a little too on the nose.]
That's interesting, then. You know, nobody's really asked me what my life was before my military service until you did. It's easy enough to talk about but, just saying I was lonely... it just feels like a fact.
But when I read this, I can actually feel it again. And it's not a bad thing, it's like a reminder that I didn't make it up. I never knew poetry could do something like this.
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That is the purpose behind art. Not just words on a screen, or paint on a canvas. It is a reflection of the creator and a separate entity from the creator both. It inspires feeling.
And it inspires reflection. Something direly needed in most people, but rarely ever done.
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Maybe I was a little scared too.
But now I have plenty of time to do it, right?
I agree though. Plenty of people don't reflect enough, I think. Maybe you could encourage people here to reflect a little more?
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Me trying to tell others here to reflect more is the same as shouting into the void. Have you seen some of the arguments across the network?
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Yes, I've seen them, and I can't say you're entirely wrong... but I want to think we're all here to do something. That this isn't as random as some people might think.
If you had time to do something profound, anything-- what would it be?
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We all seem to be different in one way or another, and I'm hypothesizing that how we were selected isn't random. So maybe the answer lies in what we believe we can offer.
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[There's a lengthy pause, as if he doesn't intend to send more than that. But another message flashes into existence.]
If you're hypothesizing how we might be "special", then I can answer that more easily. There's no point in keeping it from the rest of the Displaced, when the meaning of "normal" is so superfluous between us.
I used to possess demonic power. I no longer do, but the knowledge and memories still exist.
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[He sends that in the lengthy pause, and is a little surprised when the rest comes. Maybe it should give him some pause, 'demonic' isn't a very nice word after all, but V is possibly a little late to the occult-related revelations train given Billy told Abel he was a witch within five minutes of meeting him. Sure okay.]
That would definitely make you special!
Strange though, that they took it away and gave you-- I'm assuming-- something else? Do you know what ability they gave you on your arrival here?
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I've only seen it happen when I try to access my previous abilities. But nothing in tandem with a new one, not yet. Do you know your own?